Pillar 2: Problems People Search
IVF and Mental Health in Nigeria: What No One Tells You About the Emotional Journey
3 min read
July 25 is World IVF Day. On World IVF Day, we see you.
But in many Nigerian homes, IVF is still whispered.
"She’s doing oyinbo medicine"
"Just pray and God will do it"
"Maybe she’s not eating well"
So couples go through one of the hardest things in life... in silence.
If you’re doing IVF, or thinking about it, or supporting someone who is: this is for you.
We’re going to talk about what IVF actually is, and the emotional parts no one prepares you for.
You are not weak for feeling this way. You are human.
What Is IVF? In Simple Terms
IVF means In Vitro Fertilization. "In vitro" = "in glass".
It’s a process where:
- Eggs are retrieved from the woman
- Sperm is collected from the man
- They are fertilized in a lab to form embryos
- 1 or more embryos are transferred into the womb
That’s it. No magic. Just science helping nature.
Why people do IVF in Nigeria: Blocked tubes, low sperm count, unexplained infertility, age, and previous failed treatments.
The truth about cost: IVF in Nigeria ranges from ₦1.5M to ₦3M+ per cycle. And it’s not always 1 cycle.
That’s why the emotional and financial pressure is so heavy.
Knowing the facts helps, but it doesn’t prepare you for the feelings.
The 5 Emotional Stages No One Warns You About
1. Hope That Feels Dangerous
The first scan. The first injection.
You dare to hope. And hope feels risky because what if it hurts later?
You start calculating due dates in your head.
2. The Waiting Room Anxiety
The 2-week wait after embryo transfer.
Every cramp = "Is it working?"
Every Google search = more fear.
You can’t tell anyone because "what if it doesn’t work?"
This is where anxiety and depression symptoms spike for many couples.
3. Grief, Even When It "Works"
People think grief only happens after a failed cycle.
But you grieve the "normal" way of conceiving.
You grieve the spontaneity, the privacy, the money spent.
You grieve the version of you that didn’t have to do this.
4. Marriage Strain
IVF is not romantic. It’s injections, appointments, and timing.
Sex becomes clinical. One partner might be more hopeful than the other.
You might snap at each other because you’re both scared.
5. The Family Pressure
"So, any good news?"
"Have you tried prayer mountain?"
"My friend did IVF, and it worked the first time."
And the hardest: people who don’t know you’re doing IVF.
This is why setting boundaries with family becomes critical during IVF.
4 Things That Actually Help During IVF
1. Name What You’re Feeling
Jealousy at baby showers is normal. Anger at God is normal. Numbness is normal.
You’re not a bad Christian or a bad person. You’re grieving.
2. Get Mental Health Support Early, Not Just After
Don’t wait until you break down.
Therapy during IVF helps you:
- Manage the anxiety of the 2-week wait
- Communicate with your partner without blame
- Cope with failed cycles
- Make decisions about next steps without shame
Your therapist is part of your care team. Just like your doctor.
3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
You don’t owe anyone updates.
Script: "We appreciate your prayers. We’ll share news when we have it. For now, we need some privacy."
Protect your peace. It’s medical, not public.
4. Find Your People
You need 1-2 people who get it. Not 50 people giving advice.
Support groups, a therapist, or one friend who won’t say "just relax".
To The Partner Who’s Supporting Someone
You might feel helpless.
Here’s what helps:
- Go to appointments if you can
- Learn the injection process so they’re not alone
- Ask "How can I support you today?" instead of "Are you okay?"
- Grieve too. Men are allowed to feel this pain.
IVF is not a "women’s problem". It’s a couple’s journey.
If The Cycle Fails
This is the part we don’t talk about.
The grief is real. It’s a loss. Allow it.
You don’t have to "be strong" immediately.
You can decide to try again, or not. Both are valid.
And you don’t have to decide today.
On World IVF Day
To everyone doing IVF:
We see the injections. We see the prayers. We see the courage it takes to keep hoping.
You are not "less than" because you need help to conceive.
Glasses help people see. Insulin helps people live. IVF helps people build families.
There is no shame in this story.
And if the weight feels too heavy, you don’t have to carry it alone.
Need support?
Take the 2-minute Stress & Anxiety Screening
Book a Session With a Therapist
You deserve care for your mind, not just your body.