Pillar 3: How Therapy Works / E-E-A-T
How To Prepare For Your First Online Couples Therapy Session: 7 Rules That Help
3 min read
Booking your first couples therapy session is brave.
Doing it online from Lagos, Abuja, or anywhere in Nigeria? That’s smart.
But most couples walk in nervous and spend 20 minutes just figuring out "who talks first."
Let’s fix that. Here’s how to prepare so your first online session actually helps.
Before The Session: The Prep Work
1. Agree On Why You’re Here
Even if it’s "we fight too much" or "we feel distant". Write 1-2 sentences each.
Example: "We keep arguing about money and it’s making us distant."
Coming in with the same problem keeps you from spending the whole session debating what the problem is.
2. Set Up Your Space
Online therapy only works if you can actually talk.
- Privacy: Bedroom with door closed. Headphones. Tell kids/roommates "do not disturb for 1 hour"
- Tech: Test Zoom/Google Meet, camera, mic, and internet 10 mins before. Use data, not shaky wifi.
- Comfort: Water, tissues, sit side-by-side or in separate rooms. Whatever feels safer for you both.
3. Decide Your Goals
Not "fix my partner". Try:
- "Learn how to argue without insulting each other"
- "Understand each other better"
- "Decide if we want to stay together"
Your therapist will help with the rest.
The 7 Rules For Your First Online Session
This is where most couples mess up. Print this.
Rule 1: No Insults, Name-Calling, or Sarcasm
"You’re so useless" shuts down the conversation.
Instead: "I feel hurt when ___ happens."
Your therapist will stop you if you cross this. It’s for safety.
Rule 2: No Talking Over Each Other
Online lag makes this worse.
Rule: One person talks. The other listens. Then switch.
Use this phrase: "Can I share my part now?"
Your therapist will be the referee.
Rule 3: Speak For Yourself, Not For Them
Say: "I feel" "I need" "I noticed"
Don’t say: "You always" "You never" "You think that___"
We can only speak for our own experience.
Rule 4: Stay On One Topic
Don’t bring up 2021, his mother, and the bill in one go.
Pick the issue you agreed on in Step 1. We’ll get to the others.
Rule 5: No Phones, No Multitasking
Close Instagram. Don’t cook. Don’t be driving.
If you’re not present, you’re wasting money and your time.
Rule 6: It’s Okay To Get Emotional. It’s Not Okay To Get Unsafe.
Crying, anger, silence — all normal.
Yelling, threats, walking out, blocking the other person — not okay.
If things get unsafe, tell your therapist immediately. We have safety plans.
Rule 7: Be Honest, Even If It’s Uncomfortable
Therapy only works with truth.
"You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be real."
What you say in session stays in session. It’s confidential.
What Actually Happens In Session 1 Online
Intros: Therapist explains confidentiality + how online therapy works
Your Story: Each of you shares: How did you meet? What’s going on now?
The Problem: Therapist helps you name the real pattern, not just the fight
Homework: 1 small thing to try before next session. Usually communication practice
Next Steps: Book session 2
It won’t all be "fixed" in 50 minutes. Session 1 is about mapping the problem.
3 Mistakes Nigerian Couples Make In Online Therapy
1. "Let’s see if the therapist will take my side"
This isn’t court. The therapist is on the relationship’s side.
2. Doing the session in public
Bolt, office, or with family in the next room. You won’t be honest. Get privacy.
3. Expecting 1 session to fix years
Think of it like the gym. 1 session = assessment. Real change takes 6-12 sessions.
FAQ
Q: What if we fight during the session?
A: Good. That’s data. Your therapist will help you fight better and repair after.
Q: Can we do therapy if we’re in different cities?
A: Yes. That’s the beauty of online. One in Lagos, one in PH. Works fine.
Q: Do we both have to talk?
A: Yes. But if one person is too overwhelmed, we can do individual check-ins first.
If you are not in a relationship but need a guide for what to expect on your first therapy session you can read our article on that.
Ready For Session 1?
At MindMed, our online couples therapy is ₦15,000/session. Private, 50 minutes, from your home.
We’ll guide you through the rules so you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Book Your First Session or Chat With Us on WhatsApp
You don’t have to be "broken" to do therapy. You just have to be willing.